like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
