your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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