you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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