I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
