I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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