How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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