I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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