How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
