i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
