how do flat chested girls get laid?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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