Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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