I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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