Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
