You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
