she told me i tasted like america
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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