Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
