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Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
