She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
