When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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