I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
