I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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