i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
