i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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