I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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