I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
