she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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