I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
