The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Randomize
