is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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