I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
