I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Small penises have feelings too.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
