But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
