Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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