If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
