Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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