dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
