We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
