you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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