U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
