we're chasing vodka with high fives
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize