btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
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His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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