I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
