:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
