Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
