i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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