Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
