tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
