Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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