The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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