so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
