I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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