My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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