Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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