So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
