According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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