he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
