I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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