Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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