dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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