he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
