We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
