reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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