I love black thongs
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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