Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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