Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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