if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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