i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
