Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
