What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize