either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
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I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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