i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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