Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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