I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
