I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
