Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He passed out mid-signature
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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