I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
