Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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